Observing the relationship between mom and dad in the movies
Did you know that you can attend a mini-workshop on romantic relationships in the comfort of your own home for the price of a rented movie and be entertained at the same time? This is because this “home workshop” uses movies that you may already have.
This article, which is an excerpt from the book “Back to Love: When Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Break You” (Copyright 2008, All Rights Reserved), shows you how to pay attention to Mommy’s Boy / Daddy’s Girl. dynamics in certain romantic relationships found in specific movies. It even shows you the movies where you can find evidence of the sons of the father and the daughters of the mother.
Mama’s boys are bound, consciously or unconsciously, to the influence of their mothers. They believe they get their power from the women in their lives. For systemic reasons, they did not have the opportunity to bond with their parents in adolescence. Mommy’s boys are naturally drawn to daddy’s girls who complement them in the male / female dance of life.
Daddy’s Girls are bound, consciously or unconsciously, to the influence of their parents. They believe they find satisfaction by caring for the men in their lives. For systemic reasons, they did not have the opportunity to bond with their mothers in adolescence. Daddy’s Girls and Mama’s Boys draw like magnets! Each of them feels in the other what was missing from childhood and believes that together they can find the missing pieces. Their relationships start out with a lot of chemistry and happiness. However, when they reach a certain level of commitment, they run the risk of falling out of love unless they can learn to be together as adults, rather than as parents and children.
On the other hand, Father’s Sons came to bond with his parents in adolescence. These men know that they get their power from themselves. Similarly, the Daughters of the Mother were able to bond with their mothers in adolescence. They know that fullness comes from within.
An effective way to observe Mama’s Boys and Daddy’s Girls in action is to watch for them in movies and on television. That pushes the subject far enough away from oneself to be entertaining and educational!
The latest TV classic Mama’s Boy can be found on reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond. Raymond and his brother are so tied to the threads of their mother’s apron that it can be repulsive and hysterical to watch. Raymond’s wife, Debra, is also a typical daddy’s girl, as she barely tolerates Raymond’s behavior and commands it. Routinely, the most tense moments in sitcom occur when Ray has to choose between his mother and his wife. Invariably, he goes out of his way to choose both, disappointing both women at every turn!
One of the most painful depictions of Daddy’s girl is found in Funny Girl. As shown in that movie, Fanny Brice takes very sweet care of her husband, Nick Arnstein, as if he were a child and not a grown man. Out of love for him and unaware of what she is doing, she degrades him over and over again, undermining his masculinity and destroying what remains of his love. It is not your intention, but you cannot help it. She is desperate to hold onto him. The choice of letting him handle the consequences of his own actions must have felt like a surefire way to lose him. But taking care of him ensured that she would lose him. If you or someone you love is at risk of jeopardizing your relationship because of this kind of care, Funny Girl can be an effective, albeit painful, mirror to help encourage yourself or someone else to make a change.
In movies like Sex, Lies and Videotape, or Enough, or Hanging Up, representations of Mama’s Boys and Daddy’s Girls are equally obvious. In Enough we find a representation of a mother’s boy who tries to obtain his power from his wife in an abusive way. In it, Slim and Mitch Miller are newlyweds apparently in love and with a rich future ahead of them. However, the honeymoon quickly ends when Mitch becomes abusive. He becomes increasingly controlling of his surroundings and his son, isolating Slim from his friends and potential support. Eventually he begins to have an affair. Between learning of the affair and Slim’s desire to protect his daughter from Mitch’s abuse, she leaves home with her son only for Mitch to pursue her relentlessly. Mitch’s obsession with controlling and belittling his wife, having an affair, and an apparent sense of entitlement to that affair are all symptoms of a mother’s boy using abuse to try to get his power from women.
What about being able to witness in the film the son of a father and the daughter of a mother? Are any of those available? Yes!
In the movie Got Mail, you find a mother’s daughter and a father’s son in action. Kathleen Kelly is her mother’s daughter, having followed her mother into the ownership and management of her mother’s children’s bookstore. Joe Foxx is his father’s son, having followed his father in owning and managing the family business, Foxx Books.
Next time you watch You’ve Got Mail, pay attention to how Joe and Kathleen handle their relationships. Joe does not push or pull the women in his life. And the women in his life don’t treat him like a child. Kathleen does not deal with the men in her life as if they were little children. Although Frank, the man in her life when the movie begins, may in fact be a mother’s son, Kathleen doesn’t take care of him that way. And when life throws a serious curveball at her, with the loss of her business, she ducks deep and takes care of herself. The film makes it clear that the resource he takes advantage of is his relationship with his deceased mother.
In Open Range you will find a character who is probably the son of a father. Charley Waite is a middle-aged cowboy and former gunman who enjoys the last few years of herding his cattle freely in the open country. He is a man who has never been married and who, apparently, has not had much contact with the opposite sex. When he meets Sue Barlow and falls in love with her, he doesn’t quite know how to go about letting her know his growing interest and love. His attempts to tell her that he finds her attractive are uncomfortable, but attractive.
In the end, he approaches her, hat in hand, offering her marriage and a kind of leadership as an old-fashioned, chauvinistic husband. Sue is also middle-aged and has never been married. She is too wise and brave in life to try to pretend that she will feel fulfilled as the little wife whose husband protects her from harm. She challenges Charley to get to know her from one adult to another. He’s man enough to rise to the challenge, and the film ends with the promise that their lively romance has only just begun.
Speaking of energetic romances, Bull Durham offers the viewer a robin view of a mother’s son and a father’s son searching for the same woman. In this movie, there is a love triangle that forms around Crash Davis, a seasoned baseball catcher, Annie Savoy, the team’s best fan, and Nuke LaLoosh, the team’s new young rookie.
Despite Crash and Annie testing their attraction to each other at the beginning of the movie, Crash quickly steps aside for Nuke and Annie to do their thing. He’s too experienced, both on and off the field, and too autonomous to waste his energy competing with the very nervous “pup” that surely is Nuke.
Annie has a habit of hiring one player a year whom she helps to mature. She says, “There’s never been a ballplayer who slept with me who didn’t have the best year of his career … there’s a certain amount of wisdom for life that I give these guys. I can expand their minds. .. they feel safe and they make me feel safe and pretty. ” As such, she puts herself in the mommy position for her chosen ball player and lets him be her child.
The first night he meets Nuke and Crash, he invites them back to his house, where he sits them down and explains the rules. “I associate with one guy per season. It usually takes me a couple of weeks to pick the guy. He’s kind of my own spring training. And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far. I just thought we should try to get to know each other. ” Crash stops her right there. He wants to know why she can choose. Why not one of the men? He continues on quantum physics and how no one can choose anyone. Crash gets up to leave. Annie asks where he is going.
Crash responds, “After twelve years in the minor leagues, I don’t try. Also, I don’t believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart.”
“What do you believe in then?” Annie asks.
As he puts on his coat to leave, Crash responds with one of the most famous movie speeches that ends with these words, “… and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” evening. “
Annie breathes, “Oh my gosh.” She then chases him out the door to tell him she just wants to go on a date, not fall in love. Crash says to him: “I am not interested in a woman who is interested in that boy. Good evening.”
When Nuke hits the big leagues and leaves town, Crash makes himself available to reconsider the chemistry that was and is still evident between him and Annie. At that point, he asks you to introduce yourself as an adult to join the dance with another adult. It’s an exaggeration for her, but she is womanly enough to accept the challenge.
Movies are a great way to attend mini-workshops to witness the ramifications of being blind to the mommy boy / daddy girl dance and the relative ease of the father son / mother daughter dance!