The importance of recognition

How often, when we speak, do we suspect that the other person is already formulating their response? They can hardly wait for us to finish before coming back with their own comments. In fact, they may not even stop to get us to stop talking before they interrupt.

In those cases, do you feel heard, respected, recognized?

For us to feel recognized, the other person has to listen to us, really listen. The saying, ‘you have two ears and one mouth, use them proportionally!’ it’s so relevant right now. Not being listened to can be a significant indicator that a relationship has run its course and is over. Likewise, I know of several people who quit good jobs and took pay cuts to go to work in a more caring and appreciative environment. Positive relationships include recognition and make a difference in our quality of life.

When we listen well, we show interest with our body language. We make eye contact, we lean toward the speaker, perhaps we mirror what we’ve heard, all to assure them that we understand it and that we have the right story. Asking relevant questions with enthusiasm reinforces that message, shows that we care and are willing to acknowledge what they are saying.

Recognition means allowing the other person to speak without interruption. It is important to be patient and respectfully listen to what they have to say, even if they take time to process their thoughts or are a little speechless. Try to avoid finishing your sentences or guessing them.

If someone is hurting or struggling with pain or grief, it can be tempting to give advice or say “you’re strong, you’ll be fine.” While many people are relieved to learn that others have been where they are and survived, it can still be a bit unhelpful and even seem dismissive.

Let the other person go through your pain while you are there for them. No one can really know the extent of what another person is feeling. Suggesting that we do know can make the other person feel denied, bad, in some way a failure, especially if they are frustrated that they are not recovering as fast as others or cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel. They may not be inclined to say anything about other difficult experiences in the future.

Alternatively, people can get defensive or even angry if they feel like they are being pushed too hard or not on the right list. They may feel pressured to explain themselves, justify why they feel this way, reveal why they are in this situation. Receiving tacit permission to say how they feel in their own time and way is much more understanding and respectful.

Recognition means listening fully, allowing the person to share their thoughts and feelings while being “present” to them. We accept them and their pain, we are not irritated, embarrassed or uncomfortable with what they are saying. We provide space for them and their pain, suffering and anguish. Being there as they open up about what it is like for them gives them the opportunity to express those emotions, move through them, and come out on the other side.

Be there and allow your experience to be about personal growth, a positive experience as you provide effective recognition.

It is also important and in good manners to recognize kindness and thoughtful gestures. None of us can really be aware of what it entails when someone runs an errand or helps us with a favor. Our appreciation can make a difference and make them feel valued, valuable, and good about themselves.

Even saying ‘thank you’ when someone opens the door for us or nodding in appreciation for being let out in traffic helps grease the wheels of our relationships with others. Our response may be the only smile they have received that day and it may influence how they will behave with the next people they meet.

By recognizing and appreciating others, we help improve our relationships and continue to interact well. Recognition is an important cornerstone in our relationships.

Be sure to also acknowledge the efforts of those who try to comfort and support you. They may be clumsy, sometimes thoughtless in their choice of words, but give them credit for trying to be understanding and sensitive. Sometimes they may need your guidance on what kind of support they need. You can help them to help you.