11Jul
Do Your Best And Let It Be Enough – Countering Your Perfectionist Self-Talk

Preparation and focus are key skills to develop and implement when it comes to finding the time to do your best. And here’s something that may surprise you: doing your best also means knowing when to let go. That’s because your time and energy are too precious (and too limited) to waste tying yourself up in perfectionist knots!

As psychologist Harriet B. Braiker noted, “The pursuit of excellence motivates you; the pursuit of perfection is demoralizing.”

So how often have you experienced that discouraging frustration? How often have you chased the ideal of getting something ‘right’, only to keep failing a bit? And how often has she watched her day go by as she adjusted and adjusted and reached for that ideal over and over again?

Sounds familiar? It’s not an unusual experience, especially for energetic, motivated, high achievers. And the good news is that there is another way to do it! You can keep perfectionism from tying you down, taking over your life, and stopping your productivity.

The way to outwit your perfectionism is to learn to recognize the 3 key perfectionist messages that can help you recognize the telltale signs of perfectionism. You can then respond to those undermining messages in direct and powerful ways, getting your time back by making different decisions!

Untying the knots of perfectionism doesn’t just help you find time. It also builds your confidence and expands your sense of what is possible. Talk about life-enhancing changes! So, let’s explore those revealing messages:

Perfectionist Message #1: ‘I’m waiting for the right time to start.’ This raises the question of what exactly is the “right time”? And how do you recognize it when it arrives? Ask yourself a few questions about this and see what you find out. Do you know that the “right time” has come when:

  • Do you have more free time?

  • Do you feel inspired?

  • Your friend returns the books she lent you, the ones you need to read before starting your project?

  • No distractions?

  • Aren’t there other demands on your time?

  • Do you have enough time?

What all of these examples have in common is that, in each one, you give yourself the message that something extra is needed before you can get started. This takes power from you and keeps you stuck.

Intelligent response in time: ‘The right time is now’. You untie the perfectionist knot by letting yourself know that NOW it’s the time you have to work with. Whatever task you have to do, schedule a specific start time for you, and when the time comes, get started. Do not think it; just begin. Once you take the first step, the next one will follow.

Perfectionist Message #2: ‘It’s still not perfect.’ If you often tell yourself any version of this, follow up with these questions:

  • How would it be perfect?

  • It’s possible?

  • Are you anticipating how?

  • If so, from whom?

  • Are your expectations realistic or inflated?

  • Through whose eyes are you seeing this?

Smart answer in time: ‘Strive for excellence instead of perfection.’ Really coming to terms with this is one of the most important steps you can take to untie perfectionist knots. Striving for excellence becomes a great relief, and very energizing! When you let go of perfectionism, you can begin to experience the joy of achievement. As your self-confidence and sense of satisfaction in your job grow, the illusion of perfection becomes less and less attractive.

Perfectionist Message #3: ‘I know I can do better.’ This is a place where endless time can be wasted. How often have you found yourself modifying something until you couldn’t see it clearly anymore? As William Shakespeare wrote (in King Lear) “In striving to improve, we often mess up what’s right.”

Timing response: ‘I’ll ask for feedback.’ This answer powerfully unties perfectionist knots in 3 important ways:

  1. Others come to your work with fresh eyes, so if there really is something to ‘improve’, they’ll probably see it.

  2. Letting this slide and choosing to delegate frees up your time so you can move on to your next task.

  3. By opening yourself up to feedback from others, you are inviting their responses. This decreases the fear of criticism and is a very powerful antidote to perfectionism.

When you think about it, perfectionism sounds a lot like an internal bully that ties you down and robs you of initiative, energy, and productivity. When you stand up to that bully and untie those perfectionist knots, you are breaking free and changing your life in a very fundamental and exciting way.

So, celebrate each step as you stop placing impossible demands on yourself and start finding time for more success and fulfillment in your life!