Romance: What Husbands Forget
Romance, they say, is the language of love, a great ego booster that is ideally expressed in a marriage relationship. Touch, words of endearment, shared moments create an emotional intimacy that sets off chemical reactions in the brain. A rise in dopamine and norepinephrine brings a flush to the cheeks and a euphoric excitement to the mind.
Unfortunately, in most marriages, the romance quickly fades within a few months, and couples begin to take each other for granted.
It may come as a surprise to many that while there are various causes for low self-esteem, studies show that the majority of women who seek counseling attribute it to a lack of “romantic love” in their marriage.
“Romantic love?” I can see the male hackles rising: “It’s not that ‘Mills & Boon’ thing that fairy tales are made of.”
At best, romance is a temporary concern during your courtship or honeymoon. Then the marriage settles down for what it really is: a blatant business arrangement between the breadwinner and the housewife, with sexual privileges being exchanged. It is not surprising then that as soon as they are financially stable, the number of women who choose to leave an unsatisfactory union increases and prefers to do it alone.
Due to the gradual collapse of the institution of marriage, terrifying changes in human morals and values threaten to overtake the world. So some introspection and damage control is needed. Many times it is mere ignorance or carelessness on the part of the man that consigns his wife to a life of frustration and low self-esteem. Men are unaware of the fact that the needs of men and women are different.
What is ‘Romantic Love’? It is the element of frankness, and of a love that is not ashamed to express itself in words, gestures and deeds. The slim volume “Song of Songs” belonging to the ancient literature of Israel, is the love song of King Solomon and the shepherdess he longs for, it is so beautiful in its nonchalance, in its clarity of expression and in its confession of love , which could be called a good manual of romantic love.
Being a housewife can be terribly difficult. The frustrations, loneliness, and recurring stresses far outweigh the joy of home, husband, and children. It is a thankless occupation with no fixed hours of work, no casual or privileged permits, and no retirement age. Therefore, it is up to the husband to ensure that his wife gets the minimum benefits that she expects.
Even the best of mothers and the most devoted of wives feel exhausted at the end of the day. The chores and demands of the children are never ending. Your own needs, your hobbies, your friends, all are forgotten in a desperate attempt to fit things into your 24-hour schedule.
Maybe the poet who wrote,
“What is this life but full of care,
We don’t have time to stand and watch,”
he had the housewife in mind when he wrote it. And when at the end of the day the husband comes home and says: “Why are you so tired? You laze around all day, while I work hard in the office,” the desire to hit the insensitive idiot arises naturally.
Why has depression become so widespread among housewives? It is mainly due to changes in social trends. Financially independent women, or those who accomplish the incredible feat of holding down a job while running an efficient household, are in the news as achievers. Stay-at-home mothers are degraded. They are spoken of in condescending terms. Disrespect and ridicule are often inherent in comments made by professionals. Their achievements as housewives are dismissed as a demeaning servitude to men and tradition.
The bias towards beauty has also contributed greatly to lowering the self-esteem of many women. Perfect skin, slender figures, clever makeup, expensive dinner clothes are what make the news. Beauty has eclipsed intelligence. It makes ordinary women feel ugly and flawed.
To overcome these feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, the housewife needs the help of those who love her, especially her husband. A man generally derives satisfaction from his profession and status, his productivity and finances, his interaction with his peers, and the appreciation and respect he receives from his colleagues.
But a wife, who spends all her energy and youth to become a good housewife, an exemplary mother and a loving wife, cannot resort to such respect or appreciation. Therefore, the man in her life must give her meaning. She expects him to appreciate and value her. She plods through the day knowing that at the end of it, she may eagerly reach out to him for a sign that she has missed her during her absence, and that her life seems incomplete when she is away from him. she.
Expressing love verbally, or conveying it through a look or touch, is a way to show how much you care and helps build romantic bonds. Remembering her birthday, bringing an unexpected gift or planning a special outing for two are gestures that boost a woman’s self-esteem. Men take it for granted that their wives know they love them.
What men need to know is that verbal expressions are like aphrodisiacs, increasing romance and passion. There is nothing unmanly about revealing one’s feelings through the expression of tender or caring thoughts. Instead of coming across as maudlin, it would emphasize one’s humanity. And unless a man begins to understand this need in a woman, she will not feel free to express herself for fear of rejection.
How important it is to make a woman a precious companion instead of a permanent project! What an achievement that would be if by changing one’s outlook and behavior, she can bring happiness and confidence to someone flippantly called ‘the better half’.
Most men go through life clinging to misconceptions. The life of a housewife is not enviable nor are her housework easy. At their best, they’re repetitive, boring, and downright boring. Many women, given the choice, would prefer to work outside the home. Children, those sweet and innocent cherubs, are indefatigable bundles of energy. They claim all the attention and monopolize and isolate their mothers. How many moms have time to lounge around, watch TV, or attend ‘kitten parties’? If they do, it must be at the expense of their housework.
Housework is more stressful than office work. It could be so physically, mentally and emotionally debilitating that it can drive a woman to despair. The best way for a man to gauge the value of his housebound wife is to swap roles for a day or two. Most men who have done it unanimously praise their wives.
There’s no denying it, women are sentimental creatures. Good husbands who are mindful of their wives’ needs must look within themselves and rediscover the joy of romance. Communication enriches marriage. The process of discovering each other should continue throughout life. Husbands who are expressive and make an effort to say “I love you” at least once a day have discovered what it takes to maintain a happy marriage. Romance is the magic word. You can bring self-esteem back to the life of a housewife who considers herself a non-entity.
“Love is the only business worth being a spendthrift in,” says France Crane.
Appreciation of her appearance, her cooking experience, her childcare, will make her flourish and perhaps bring out other qualities. An understanding husband is sensitive to her moods, her needs, her tears. He will show more love and understanding when she is going through a rough patch. He will spend quality time with her, and will not only listen to her, but will show her affection through verbal and symbolic communication.
So all husbands be careful. Don’t let romance die in your marriage. It will keep you “always warm, always panting, and always young.”